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Archive for October, 2014

Exhausting Rest

Exhausting RestI was exhausted.

I mean, completely, totally, good-for-nothing exhausted, when I could accomplish little but watch movies and nap.

After months of balancing multiple part-time jobs, I expected the break after surgery to be a welcomed reprieve from the constant push to meet various, never-ending deadlines. But it wasn’t.

Guilt plagued me. I had not accomplished enough. I wasn’t contributing to the household income. On days I couldn’t even write, I felt worthless.

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.” – Isaiah 30:15 (NIV)

According to God, rest is a good thing. It rejuvenates and strengthens us. But I felt depleted, confused, and weak.

I had followed my doctor’s instructions to cease my daily routine, but my “rest” had become counter-productive. Why?

In a moment of silence, I realized that I had permitted the performance-focused culture determine my value rather than God himself. My value was not linked to how much I could produce on a daily basis. It is determined by who I am. My “rest” was not God’s idea of rest. I was simply taking a break from physical activity. HIS rest is defined in my inability to stand on my own, when all I can do is lean directly on him.

Which rest will I choose from this point forward? The rest that leads to guilt and further exhaustion? Or the rest that leads to life, healing, and strength?

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